Having Morals in a Christian Relationship
By: Tahnee Jones
note to reader:
‘Dating for the Cause’ is a monthly column focused towards the whys of dating and how to stay focused on the Cause of Jesus Christ, ministry, souls etc…it is some time easy to get caught up in the person and forget about the cause. “We are to be styled as the bridegroom of Christ”~Tahnee Jones.
First things first. The bottom line is, that in spite of the media and the standards of the world, as Christians we are able to have integrity within a romantic relationship. What is integrity? The online Webster’s dictionary defines it as: firm adherence to a code of especially moral or artistic values. A few synonyms listed are character, decency, goodness and honesty. An even more simple definition: doing what you know is right, even when nobody is around.
As Christians, we honestly know what is holy, and what is unholy. We are aware that we are not to have sex before marriage, and we are not to lust after one another…but what about things that aren’t mentioned in the bible, like kissing? What about being hugged up in corners, and what about living together? Late night talks on the phone with your beau…is that ok? Although none of the above is directly listed in the Bible per say, if we focus on integrity then it must be clear that it is about the principle, not a list of rules written in black and white.
Romans 14:16 states, “Let not your good be evil spoken of,” therefore we still have to watch how we carry ourselves, and what we allow to go on in our relationship…especially as Godly women when we are dating/courting. Ask yourself what does kissing a man you are dating signify to him in his mind? It might be sweet and innocent to us, but in his mind you never know what sexual thoughts he may be thinking. The same innocent kiss to us, might mean an avenue or an open door for him to move to the next base. Also, the act of kissing is extremely intimate, which initiates more intimate feelings, thus easily opening a gate for lust to creep in.
This goes for any other type of touching, or bodily contact which may seem innocent; such as hugs, cuddling, or hand rubbing. Personally, I suggest avoiding all of the above, in order to leave the enemy no room for infiltration. Especially if you are weak when it comes to the area of lust. If one insists on hugging as a necessity then may I suggest the classic “church hug” which is a very loose embrace mostly done with one arm, leaving plenty of room between the two of you. What this does is not only help to save us from ourselves, but also keeps gossip and any false pretenses from others at bay. As far as phone calls, I was given specific instructions from my spiritual leader when I began to date my fiancé:
- No phone conversations after 10pm.
- Keep all calls geared towards Jesus Christ and ministry.
- Lengthy, and/or intimate conversations should be cut short
The reasons for these instructions were to help preserve my integrity as a woman, but also to keep my newfound relationship at a place of respect in my counterpart’s eyes. What I learned was that lengthy conversations often lead to talking about more personal things that don’t need to be discussed right away when you are courting/dating. Also, long conversations via the telephone often catapult an innocent relationship into a contaminated one, if focus is lost and feelings start to surface.
So when do you get to really know each other? A good way to keep it innocent is to go on dates with another in public areas. There is nothing wrong with sharing an appetizer and talking one on one for a bit. But, by doing it publicly, you will have other people as a witness that all is well, while you get to know that person one-on-one…without the intimacy of a long phone conversation. If there are no other couples you would trust going out on dates with, then I still suggest dates be in lighted, open areas with a good sized crowd around to avoid anything that might appear compromising.
When we strive for integrity during our period of courting, this demands respect from our counterpart, and if he has any hidden agenda, he will be sure to flee because he knows that he can’t pull a fast one on you! Once I stepped into a place of true integrity(from being a woman of low standards in the past), I felt and now feel accomplished. I can walk with my head held high. Honestly, because I was so used to doing things the wrong way, I would have never thought I would ever be able to do things right when it came to the opposite sex. However, it is very possible ladies. It starts with a dedication and love for Jesus Christ, then a newfound respect for yourself, followed by self-discipline and dying to yourself daily! It’s not at all as hard as it seems because it is very achievable…with Christ all things are possible.
Until next time ladies!
Contributing Writer, B.L.O.G. Magazine
Tahnee Jones is a freelance writer who desires to impact women young and seasoned throughout the nations through her works. Having been writing since childhood, she eventually developed a passion towards the woes of womanhood as she experienced many trials throughout her latter teenage years leading into her adulthood. Currently a youth minister, she also serves as Chief of Editorials over the Agape World Harvest International ministry as well as organizes several women’s events through her own women’s ministry “Issues of the Heart”. Inspired by first and foremost the Holy Spirit, she also attributes her inspiration to being a young single mother coming out of the secular world having to stand flat footed for righteousness. With books, a working blog site, and freelance projects all in the works she continues the strive; provoking change in the delicate soul of God’s creation known as woman with hopes bringing about the knowledge and reality of Jesus Christ.