By Katrina Smith
There are many scriptures that penetrate my soul. There are the ones that cut deeply, letting me know that I have a lot of healing and then there are the ones that leave me with chills and a surge of inspiration and hope. That’s the beauty of scripture. It places the mirror in your hands and the reflection shows you of all of the ugly things that you have ran from, but if you receive it, it will also give you a map to the place that God wishes you to be. It will convict and correct you like a surgeon’s scalpel cutting down to the marrow to extract the festering infection of sin, insecurity, doubt, bitterness, anger, pride and selfishness. Then it will provide supernatural healing and deliverance from all of the guilt and shame. His word will reshape and mold you, and then it will rebuild, restore and give you strength, wisdom and an internal light that you never thought possible.
One scripture that speaks life into me when I’m feeling troubled is Isaiah 61:
“The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me, because the LORD has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the LORD’s favor and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion— to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor.”
It clearly paints a masterpiece of what is awaiting for those who turn to Him in despair. During this metamorphosis, it’s hard to stay the course. It seems like your past keeps breathing down your neck, getting closer and closer. Everywhere you turn there is someone or something reminding you who you use to be. It’s almost like seeing an ex that after finally getting over them, you run into them, bringing back all of the painful memories with it.
So how do keep on pressing on when you are spiritually exhausted, emotionally drained and physically weak? Like a house that burnt to the ground, you wonder how you could possibly rebuild. There is nothing left but ashes and soot. How do you find hope when you look around and you are alone? It is likely that God wants your complete attention. When everyone has left and you have no one to depend on, you will either rely on your own understanding or cry out in total desperation for God’s hand.
When I feel alone, I find writing all of my thoughts and feelings but addressing them to my father, God. I talk to Him daily as if I’m having a conversation with a friend. Then there are times that I’m drained. As a writer, my emotions come best when I write them down. I write Him love letters and poetry. I let him know what is on my heart whether is hurt and pain or adoration and gratitude. I also go back and read my writing and am in awe of how through even my writing, God is speaking to me through my gift. Last week I went back and re-read my writing over the years. It was so amazing to how God was challenging me as well as improving my writing. I saw so many times how I was ready to give up and He intervened through some surge of hope reminding me to hang in there.
When you feel exhausted, it’s easier to give up but you have to remember that this pain is typically necessary for the transformation process and for your testimony to emerge. Somehow, through our heartache, pain, misery and sorrow, God is constantly reaching and stretching His hand, waiting for us to grab it and embrace Him for comfort and assurance. He blows life into us and when the season has arrived, beauty will emerge from the ashes.
I will conclude with a poem that I wrote during a period of despair and turmoil ~
Have you ever been in a place,
a place so dark that you get lost
in your own state of mind?
A state of disillusion, utter confusion,
on the verge of insanity from anger stirring inside.
The devil whispers lies in my ear;,
Feelings of inadequacy, insecurity and pain consume my spirit.
God is calling me to look in His direction, but I’m so caught up in my sorrow
that I can’t even hear Him.
Dwelling on betrayal, broken dreams and empty promises as time passes slowly,
minute by minute, hour by hour …
Suffering moments of desperation, which bring on moments of inspiration
that finally have me reaching for my higher power.
I plead to God …
“Father, please help me understand. I have given and sacrificed so much,
only for my heart to again and again be broken.
How much more do I have to sow before reaping the harvest
that Your Word has promised and spoken?”
I feel a quiet force swell within me, losing control, a feeling of complete submission.
A reminder of the Scripture of Proverbs 10:12 calms me:
“Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all transgressions.”
The Lord’s voice enters my spirit…
“My child, be still, I have plans for you. You are a testimony in the making,
but you can’t become who I want you to be without first being shaken.
You see, I am creating, shaping, molding you into a woman of great virtue,
but you must fully trust in Me and know that I will never abandon or forsake you.
You must let it all go and forgive, as it all has worked in accordance to My divine
for you too, have many times fallen short. Sins are in the nature of man.”
I wipe away my tears, tell my Father, “Thank you,” and finally close my eyes …
I wake up feeling refreshed with an inner peace,
knowing that the LORD is by my side …
reborn, a new creation,
~*From my book, The Butterfly Movement
Co-Founder, B.L.O.G Magazine™
The Co-Founder of B.L.O.G Magazine™, Katrina is a simple mid-western girl from the inner city of Indianapolis, In where she is an army wife, army mother. After teaching financial literacy in underserved communities for eight years, she is now the author and workshop facilitator for The Butterfly Movement book, workbook and workshops and is currently working on the production of her upcoming ‘twin’ books ‘Cinderella No Mor’e and ‘Independent No More’, both due to release simultaneously in the Summer of 2012. You can find her on Facebook and Twitter or contact her by email at email@example.com