By: Tahnee Jones
So you are dating, courting, or whatever term you want to call it. All you know is that you are in a relationship with a man who loves the Lord just as much as you do and all seems perfect in your eyesight. He has hinted that an engagement ring has been purchased and friends and relatives are even hounding you both about when the date will be set. There is just one small but very significant wrench thrown in the plans: deep down in your soul you know that your Lord and Savior is simply… telling you to wait. No He has not given you any reasons behind it all, or maybe the word or warning came through your pastor or first lady while you two were in counseling, but the one thing that is sure is that you know without a shadow of a doubt that God has spoken.
The first thing that I want to touch on is the “right time” to marry. I have heard and read many statements by women of God that instruct other women not to court past a year of two at the most which I have to say I disagree wholeheartedly. I’m not saying that God cannot bring a man and woman together ordained of Him and they be married as little as a few months because I have seen Him do it for a few young couples in my own ministry. These married couples live lives dedicated to Christ and have beautiful marriages now going on five and six years. What I’m saying is that every couple is made up of two different people and the only “right timing” would have to be the timing of God Himself. Yes the Bible says, “But if they don’t have self-control, let them marry. For it’s better to marry than to burn” ( 1 Corinthians 7:9) but many skip over the first half of that scripture talking about self control. You don’t have to burn with passion if you have self control! After all, before marriage we should be in love with and consumed with Christ so much that we don’t want to defile our temple or displease Him. I love how God, being so merciful, always has a way out…a ram in the bush because He knows the ways of man in general. In other words, He allows us to marry if we cannot control ourselves as yet another way of saving us from ourselves! What an awesome God!
However I have to say that marrying in the manner because of lacking self control can also lead to a lot of unnecessary heartbreak and pain; back to waiting on marriage for each individual couple. See what I have learned after courting for now almost four years and being told to wait until after my beau had already bought the ring just a few months after we met is that God really does know all! I am a living testimony that if we would have gotten married when WE wanted to instead of waiting; a divorce would have been in effect, even after a year. It turned out that the both of us had some deep wounds, but we couldn’t accept the healing that Jesus had already provided because we didn’t know they were there! I know personally one of the reasons He made us wait so long is because it took a long time for me to recognize that I had been viewing every man or male figure in my life (including God) as my own father, who was the root cause as a lot of mistrust, hurt, and pain in my life. God would not allow me to marry His son, his priest, just to emotionally abuse him because of my own false perceptions. I was so angry and filled with unforgivness towards my father that it kept me in a place of denial that I even had a problem in the first place.
Another key reason is because of my personal communication skills, which was a bad habit I picked up from being raised in a family full of closed doors. What I mean by this is that every time there was ever a problem, there was no discussion but everyone would just sweep it under the carpet and be dismissed to our own separate rooms. Issues were barely discussed and if they were then believe that it was mostly in an angry or aggressive environment and that ladies and gentlemen is no way to live. Since my parents never really communicated in a way that I am now learning to do, I honestly didn’t believe that communication was a vital part of marriage. Keep in mind, these were just a few things that were revealed to me personally from God and through my own leader during our premarital counseling session. What I desire for us, especially as women, is to be assured and mindful that when it comes to our lives, God fully knows and is aware of what we need and when we need it! Who knows…maybe He has allowed the other women around you to become brides because there were things He needed them to accomplish in the ministry of marriage at that appointed time. Think about it. It’s a big possibility that the things He needs us to do as single women right now could not be as effective or accomplished at all if we were married. I had to change my whole mindset concerning this matter.
One thing that God revealed to me a few months ago because I began to become weary (you know the “I know its ordained…but when God, when?”), was that our relationship is bringing Him glory because we have overcome many odds. I can honestly say that and be a testimony to other women that you can have enough self control to abstain from sex within a long term relationship while WAITING on God. How can I teach and preach on being a single Christian woman while walking in integrity if I have never been able to do it? One thing that really touched me over the weekend, during my women’s conference, was when a lady stated she never knew of nor have she witnessed a courting couple. This lady was raised in a church her whole life. It wasn’t until my current relationship that she was able to witness a true courtship from beginning until now. This lets me know that people are watching my life and being blessed in the process by the way I choose to live.
In closing I will reiterate that everyone’s journey in life is different. We come from different backgrounds and some have had to endure more than others. Seek God about your relationship and don’t rush a thing. If he tells you to go ahead and tie the knot then by all means obey, but if not…just wait. Don’t be discouraged by outward and even inward opinions, but seek God in all areas. Be blessed and remember…it’s ok to wait.
B.L.O.G. Magazine Contributing Writer
Tahnee Jones is a freelance writer who desires to impact women young and seasoned throughout the nations through her works. Having been writing since childhood, she eventually developed a passion towards the woes of womanhood as she experienced many trials throughout her latter teenage years leading into her adulthood. Currently a youth minister, she also serves as Chief of Editorials over the Agape World Harvest International ministry as well as organizes several women’s events through her own women’s ministry “Issues of the Heart”. Inspired by first and foremost the Holy Spirit, she also attributes her inspiration to being a young single mother coming out of the secular world having to stand flat footed for righteousness. With books, a working blog site, and freelance projects all in the works she continues the strive; provoking change in the delicate soul of God’s creation known as woman with hopes bringing about the knowledge and reality of Jesus Christ.