By Chris Green
I was reading through some discussion boards a couple of weeks ago and came across a question a lot of women tend to pose lately. “Does Prince Charming still exist?” As I sat down and pondered the question for a few minutes, I came to some thoughts to answer this question. I have been seeing a pattern of three core reasons as to why women start believing prince charming does not exist.
Prince Charming does still exist, believe that. How? Simple, you first have to shield yourself from some of the negative perceptions the media tends to place on us men. As soon as you turn on the TV or go on the internet, you will see many stories focusing on the negative behaviors of men. So granted, some of you may have a hard time believing me. I don’t blame you. A lot of times, the influence of the media has a negative impact on convincing you that Prince Charming is gone. Especially after a famous NFL player, Chad Johnson gets charged with domestic assault for the second time in his life and countless other examples. But, ask yourself this… How often do you see or read stories about what good men do? How often do you read about the positive behaviors that men are doing in relationships? Today, media likes to publish negativity because that’s what people are attracted to. With sad reasoning, the positive relationships and stories led by good men tend to be ignored. For some people, it causes negative feelings within themselves; envy, jealousy, anger, and bitterness.
Personal experiences also tend to convince women that Prince Charming doesn’t exist. I understand how you feel; it is hard to feel like good guys do exist when just about all of your relationships turned out for the negative. However, I have told plenty of women in both my social life and in my counseling field that you cannot let the behaviors of a few men continue to have any control over your life and your feelings towards all men. As long as you continue to feel negative about your plight in relationships, the longer that ex is going to have control over you and your perceptions of men. You have more control over your belief in Prince Charming than you realize. Normally, when we think and feel negatively toward things and situations, the more likely that negative things are going to happen to us. If you believe good men don’t exist, then more than likely, you will only run into and accept the bad ones in your life and relationships.
Then, there are those friends of yours who tend to ride your coat tail telling you how you are suppose to think, feel, and behave. These types of so-called friends tend to prefer being around people who feel just as miserable and sometimes, without realizing it, keep people around them from progressing better by their negative words, attitudes, and behaviors. As they tell you the bad things about every man you go on a date with and you allow them to control your dating decisions and projections toward us men, you are more than likely going to feel like Prince Charming doesn’t exist either.
So, as I have given you my thoughts as to why women may start believing Prince Charming doesn’t exist, I want to share with you some solutions to this problem.
1) Don’t Allow the Media Determine Your Attitude Toward Men
You cannot believe everything that you see on TV, movies, and what you hear in music. Media content normally only cares about one thing: money. At this point in the game, they know how to hook people to their programming through sharing negativity and drama. We have so many reality shows right now that project men in a negative spotlight. The media could care less about how your relationships are going or about you, for that matter. You have to establish (or re-establish) a firm belief that good men exist and it starts by changing your attitude. When we believe in these negative outer influences, we start to give ourselves negative self-talk. Which normally leads people to go into relationships with a negative attitude and at times, looking for behaviors that confirm assumptions that people have already place in their heads to begin with. Stay away from reading books that give negative advice on men and TV programs that demean men. The more you listen and watch those messages, the longer you will feel Prince Charming doesn’t exist.
2) Stop Letting the Past Control Your Present and Future Experiences
“Prince Charming” type men know when he is dating a lady who allows her past experiences to have too much direction in their current relationship. I spoke with a lady a few years ago who was having some bad luck in her dating life. She was telling people that she believed that good men are not around. I asked her to tell me about her dating history. The majority of her history contained being with men who did not know how to treat a woman. She was confused as to why she continued to run into those types of men. She also mentioned that she has trust issues from previous relationships and tends to test new men to see how they act and if they can be trusted. I counseled her, letting her know that as long as she has a deep mistrust for men in general, “Prince Charming” will not be interested in her.
I told her that Prince Charming is not around because she refuses to completely let go of her previous relationships. Prince Charming comes around to women who give them a clean slate, not carrying the past with her. Let the pain go. When a person gets cut on the arm, they normally put a brand-aid on it. What happens to a cut if you keep messing with the wound instead of moving on and letting it heal on its own? The wound remains fresh and it will continue to bleed. No wonder you may feel Prince Charming is not around, you are still allowing old wounds to continue bleeding.
3) Evaluate Your Friends’ Influence You Regarding Relationships
Sometimes, listening to everything your friends tell you causes your dating life to become worse. Take thought into any advice your friends give you regarding men. If you are listening to friends who have a negative outlook and attitude toward men and feel Prince Charming doesn’t exist, you could remain stuck and never run into him because you are relying too much on other people to make dating decisions for you. Surround yourself with positive people. Optimistic friends who believe good men exist. Friends who have experience in dating relationships; who will give you objective advice, not people who are always negative and try to dictate who you should be dating and how you should feel about men.
There is a classic saying that I will close with. It sums up the main solution that can help you realize that Prince Charming does exist, but it’s all about you and your attitude.
“If nothing changes—-Nothing changes.”
Good men are not attracted to women with negative attitudes or women who surround herself with negative people. Change your world into a charming place, and your Prince Charming will soon arrive.
B.L.O.G Magazine Men Speaks! Coordinator & Contributing Writer
Chris Green is an intensive intervention specialist for families in crisis and adjunct Sociology instructor at Western Kentucky University. Chris is currently working on finishing his MPH and Christian Counseling licensure. Chris has over 10 years of experience working with relationships and mental health issues. When he is not out helping families or teaching Sociology, he enjoys reading, traveling, studying the bible, and watching the NFL. You can contact him at firstname.lastname@example.org and follow him on twitter at chrisgreen2380.