By: Myckelle P. Williams
Thank you for taking the time to visit B.L.O.G. Magazine, and we hope you enjoy our June Father’s Day issue, especially devoted to not only Fathers, but Husbands, Uncles, Cousins, Mentors, and any other man who has made a difference in your life! This issue is also dedicated to our ABBA, Father…our Daddy on High that loves us greater than any earthly one is capable of.
This is the 20th year anniversary of my Re-Birth to Christ: On Fathers Day in 1992, I got saved, at age 18. I don’t know why it happened on that day, but I consider it a gift to the Ultimate ‘Daddy”. Has it always been smooth and easy? No. But although I have fallen numerous times, my gracious and merciful Father has forgiven me, picked me up and continued to love and cleanse me as I kept pushing towards the purpose He had for my life. This is a Daddy’s love.
Father is supposed to be your first true love and hero, protector, provider, and the one you measure everyone else against. The one who teaches you HOW men are supposed to treat women…how YOU should one day look be to be treated. If we don’t learn that lesson from our dads, and from the men in our lives, who will we learn it from?
Some of you may not have an earthly example of what a father is supposed to be. Either they did not have one, or did not have a positive one. Often, we may feel like a lost orphan. However, in Romans 8:15 Paul tells us that when we accept Christ into our hearts, we have “received the Spirit of adoption by whom we cry out Abba, Father.” We are no longer orphans, but now belong to a loving Father that welcomes us with open arms!
Abba is an Aramaic word which means “daddy” or “papa”. What Paul is saying is that you are now adopted into God’s family. You become His child and He becomes your heavenly Father. The relationship is so deep and so personal that you can actually call him “Daddy”. You can consider yourself a “Daddy’s Girl” by all rights of sonship.
In my own life, my own father was handsome, strong, and comedic. He didn’t however lead the perfect life: he was not a Christian, was a drug dealer most of my childhood, also a pimp, and went in and out of jail a few times. This may not have made him the best role model in the eyes of many. Regardless of my mother and dad’s relationship, and the lifestyle he led, I can honestly say that he was a good, and loving parent to me and his other children by multiple women. He was not only affectionate, but a constant teacher…about school things, as well as ‘Street life”…he wanted us to be smart in all ways. When I was about 3, he taught me what nouns, verbs, superlatives, etc. were. He constantly quizzed me in front of crowds to test my knowledge. We had a running script. He was very intelligent, and taught himself Spanish and spent hours learning the Real Estate Market, Stock Market, Politics and Global Issues. He instilled in me a love for learning and knowledge. He was handy with tools and wiring stereo equipment and spent hours detailing and explaining to us the ‘inner workings’ of things. He treated us like mini-adults, because he was raising adults, not children. There was nothing he did, or anywhere he went that he didn’t take my younger brother and I. Nothing we didn’t see or know about. My father laughed and joked with the all of neighborhood kids, and taught us all to dance, and play games in the streets until late in the night. He was fearless and strong. Yet with all of his power and strength, he never had to spank us. He came from an abusive home, and vowed to never inflict that on us. One yell at us kept us in check, (and caused me to burst into tears) because I naturally wanted to please him, as most daughters do.
My dad taught me some lessons of great value about men, and their ways. Him and all of his ‘player’ friends would sit me down and ‘school’ me on what they did to manipulate women. They didn’t want me caught up in being a victim, like the women they dealt with. They all treated me as a daughter. Some of them were illiterate, and I would read to them. They showed me all the ‘man’ games..so I had a personal hands-on “Think Like a Man’ childhood education. They were handsome, and most had money, but I was taught what to look for, and how to avoid a player. I think every father needs to teach his daughter those ‘man games’ lessons. He could save her a lot of heartache, and make her wise at an early age.
Interestingly enough, none of my dad’s kids became involved in a negative lifestyle. We never did drugs, drank, and participated in criminal activity. Besides my dad, none of us were incarcerated, or got in trouble. So, in a way, he had a big influence on us. We looked at his lifestyle as a book of what ‘Not to Do” and took different paths.
My husband is also a wonderful father to our children. For those who grew up without a father, like my husband did, there IS hope that you can learn to be a better father for your own children, and lean on God for your example. My husband didn’t even meet his father until he was 22 years old, but decided that he would always be there for his children, no matter what. He has been a wonderful role model, present for every milestone, holiday and event, and been a wise disciplinarian when needed. He was always loving and affectionate, and taught this to me, as well as our children. He models how to treat a lady, and doesn’t allow my sons to pass through a door before us girls, nor does he allow us to enter or exit the car without opening our doors first. He is setting a standard. By spoiling my daughters, he left no room for any other man to fill that spot, and by mentoring my sons, he left no room for a rapper or gang member to be their hero.
My husband and Dad are great lessons to me that even if you didn’t HAVE it in your life, you can always BE it for your children.
If you are a single mother, and your child’s father is not involved; the next best thing is to introduce positive, loving supportive men into your child’s life, (note: not men that you are casually dating, because they may come and go) We are talking someone who you are not emotionally tied to, who can be more permanent in their lives…a friend, a coach, an uncle, a cousin, youth pastor…someone you have witnessed first- hand being a good father and role model. You can also sign them up for mentoring at the local Boys Club or Youth Organization (Of course, please check history and records of these men, because these days not everyone is trustworthy with your children.)
If the father still is willing to be in the child’s life: Never allow the relationship with the him to determine the relationship he has with the child… if you are blessed enough to have a man that wants to know and love your child, just because he has hurt you emotionally, or doesn’t give you the money you need, doesn’t mean that he has no place in that child’s life as a father. Yes, kids have needs. But the first is the dad in their lives. My dad never paid any of our mothers, but he took us in to live with him, without hesitation, and during those times, the mothers never paid him either. Either way, It was never about the money. He was there for us, and present, and that’s what mattered to us as children.
Mothers: Never speak against the Father in the child’s life! Whatever happened between the two of you is an ADULT matter. Don’t ask the child to take up your offenses, nor get them involved in your tales of woe. The child’s relationship with it’s father is a separate issue. My mother , grandmother and aunt did that a lot…attacked my dad as a person, and it only made me feel pity for my dad, and drew me closer to him. So much so, that when I was 9, I asked to go live with him instead of her. Bitterness always backfires.
If you are a father, or stepfather: remember that you are the sole most influential person in the life of both your son AND your daughter. A survey of 720 teenage girls found: 97% of girls said that having parents they could talk to helped reduce teen pregnancy. 93% said having loving parents reduced the risk of teen pregnancy. 76% said that their fathers were very influential on their decision to have sex. (Clements, Mark. Parade. February 2, 1997) Researchers of Columbia University found that children living in two-parent households with a poor relationship with their father are 68% more likely to smoke, drink or use drugs compared to all teens in two-parent households. Your child needs you in order to learn what it is to be a man, a strong provider and protector, and see what it is to honor and respect women, by how you treat her mother. Whether or not you are together, you must honor her with your mouth and actions. Your daughter will learn what it is to be a treated with dignity, treated with respect, and the standard at which she will expect to be treated.
U.S Dept of Health states that Children with involved Fathers are more confident, better able to deal with frustration, better able to gain independence and their own identity, more likely to mature into compassionate adults, more likely to have a high self esteem, more sociable, more secure as infants, less likely to show signs of depression, less likely to commit suicide, more empathetic, boys have been shown to be less aggressive and adolescent girls are less likely to engage in sex. These are all reasons to get, and stay involved in the life of your child! You matter…and they need you!
My son got married and had his own son last year, and is expecting another son in a few months. I am proud to say that he is walking in the example of his father, loving his wife, and modeling Christ for his baby. He prays with and reads the bible to his wife and baby nightly, and is already a Godly leader in his own home. By no means was it an easy road to raise our children up the right way, but we wanted to plant different seeds for the next generation, and are beginning to see the fruits of our labors.
And so, In dedication to all the fathers who have been involved, guarded, covered, loved, protected, looked after and taught us valuable lessons, you keep doing what you are doing! Many say that there’s a lack of Good men, but that’s not true, there are lots of wonderful men who love their kids and WANT to be involved. We salute you! Even when you feel under appreciated, and undervalued, know that God sees… and your child knows. And above all, show your children that God is YOUR honored father, and your kids will follow by example. Let him be the Father of the whole household. As the father follows God, the children and wife follow him, and you have Godly order and a right relationship. It’s been designed that way since the creation of the first family, thousands of years ago ~And it Works!
Myckelle P. Williams
B.L.O.G. Magazine Co-Founder
Myckelle P Williams, co-founder of B.L.O.G. Magazine™ and creator of the Heartwood Project™ for Women, lives in Tennessee with her husband of 20 years. She is the mother of 6 children and one grandchild. Once a teen mother who overcame the odds, Myckelle helps empower women to overcome the traumas of their past, and mentors young women over the country. She was featured on “Joy in our Town” on TBN Network, for her development of the PURE Satisfaction Abstinence Program in Atlanta in 2009. Her upcoming book ‘The Road Less Traveled.” is due to be released in late 2012. For more information about her upcoming Heartwood Project™ Seminars, you can reach Myckelle at firstname.lastname@example.org