Stop Grieving Over Your Lost Virginity!

Stop Grieving Over Your Lost Virginity!

God can Forgive You..but Can you Forgive Yourself?   

By Andile Pfufa

March 15, 2012


This is an issue that I think needs to be addressed. I see so many people sad, grieved, and bitter over their lost virginity – I would like to acknowledge that I was once among that number of people… I wailed, lamented and beat myself up for my stupid mistake; I lost my virginity in the worst way possible too – I gave it to the BIGGEST jerk in the world.

“Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and then turn and tear you to pieces.”
Matthew 7:6

It was so degrading.  He did not treat me tenderly and lovingly, and when he was done with me he spent 2 hours telling me how worthless I was – and what a slut I was, then he drove me to my neighborhood…and dumped me by the side of my high school. I was so hurt and anguished, that I had a temporary breakdown, was found, and put into hospital for observation, where they determined that my insides where so damaged (because he was so brutal with me) that even the doctor almost cried.

As time has past, and my relationship with God has grown deeper,  the memory does not break my heart anymore.

I am not a tough chick; But I asked for Forgiveness, and strength, and part of that strength is now knowing that I don’t need to allow the enemy to condemn me..and make  feel like garbage for a sin God has forgiven, and thrown into the depths of the sea.

“Who is a God like you, who pardons sin and forgives the transgression of the remnant of his inheritance? You do not stay angry forever but delight to show mercy.You will again have compassion on us; you will tread our sins underfoot and hurl all our iniquities into the depths of the sea.” Micah 7:19

I pray for that guy; I do not know WHY he did that – but I know that we are born in sin and shaped in inquiry. Everyone has a battle in their hearts and minds, even though we do not see it; and I  no longer try to understand why he was so cruel to me. All I know there is One greater than me who has healed me, and I hope this lost young man  finds peace also; I can only focus on myself, a sinner who is not always perfect. I am a wretch in need of God; and so is he. Everyday I sin, in thought or in action, and no sin is greater or less to God.        

You were angry, for we sinned,
We continued in them a long time;
” And shall we be saved?
For all of us have become like one who is unclean,
And all our righteous deeds are like a filthy garment;” Isaiah 64:5-6

Some people in this world have lost their ‘V-Card’ in more painful ways that I did. Some were raped, some where manipulated into giving it away, but for some reason I know that many of us gave it away stupidly, because we wanted to see what sex was like, or we just couldn’t control our hormones, and sex turned out to be, in the words of  Andy Warhol, ”The biggest nothing in the world.” 
One thing I know for sure is this:


Who you are, your character is all that matters. In fact it is the only thing you get to take to heaven. It’s never too late to honor yourself, re-dedicate your body,  and renew your mind.  I will quote my friend on this “We do not have to have sex.” Ladies, sex is not the only thing you have to offer. You do not deserve a lesser man because you gave it away at the wrong time, so don’t stay with jerks because you feel that these are the only people who will accept and love you. It’s so not true.  If you start honoring God from this day forth, and devote yourself to God in both body and spirit – I know that God is faithful to those who love Him, and He will make the first time with your future wife or husband feel like the first time -OR EVEN BETTER. It will be the best sex you have ever had because the Holy Spirit will make sure of it. You don’t need to sleep with people before marriage to develop “skills”, nor do you need to sleep with a fiancee in order to “test” to see if you are sexually compatible – leave that to God. He will teach you all you need; and He will make sure you are compatible in every way. God will provide the skill at the right time!

“Then Moses said to the LORD, “Please, Lord, I have never been eloquent, neither recently nor in time past, nor since You have spoken to Your servant; for I am slow of speech and slow of tongue.” 
The LORD said to him, “Who has made man’s mouth? Or who makes him mute or deaf, or seeing or blind? Is it not I, the LORD?
“Now then go, and I, even I, will be with your mouth, and teach you what you are to say.” Exodus 4:10-12

No matter what culture you come from, or what gender you are, I can assure you someone will love and accept you even if you have slept with 1000 men/women, or just did it once. Your past is over…You are a New Creature in Christ! Jesus accepts you; and if you are good enough for Christ , you are certainly good enough for any person on earth!  Know your Worth!


With Grace,

Andile Pfufa

B.L.O.G. Magazine Contributing Writer

Andile Nyasha Pfupa, Contributing Writer. Andile is originally from Zimbabwe. She is a daughter, sister and aunt to the most gorgeous little girl in the world. She is a self-described student, dreamer and a servant of God. She loves to read and write – articles on femininity, faith, relationships and personal development. She hopes one day that she could teach young women how to be the woman that God created them to be. She  currently attends college studying Business Administration and is an independent business owner in Canada. Her goal is to financially retire her mother  and return to Zimbabwe to help build schools, as well as teach and empower native women an opportunity to build their own businesses.




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One Response to Stop Grieving Over Your Lost Virginity!

  1. Jasmine says:

    Thank you for writing this article. I know it will touch so many women. Your testimony is powerful. I was sexually assaulted so I know what it feels like to feel the guilt you talk about in your article. Thank you for sharing.

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